peacefare.net

Supporting those who serve

I received this moving and informative contribution from Kelli Brewer, who works with http://deploycare.org/; I hope it inspires others:

We were in our 30s when my husband announced he felt called to enlist.  I had a preschooler, a tween, and a house to maintain, but after we talked, prayed, and talked some more, it was clear he needed to go.  So began our four-year journey.  It was life-changing and challenging, and we couldn’t have gotten through it without support from several sources.

Things happened fast

After my husband’s announcement, it seemed like I blinked, and he was gone – overseas, and into the Middle East. 

At first, things weren’t so bad.  I had close friends, my kids and I were healthy, and we were financially stable.  As time wore on, carrying all the responsibility of home took a toll, and even with people close, I felt strangely isolated. 

Wondering if he was okay, well, that was beyond overwhelming.  It seemed unreal at times, and other times, so real it was devastating.  I knew I could survive, but how was beyond me. 

I became depressed, and things went downhill – my house was a wreck, I cried all the time, I ate constantly, and I started withdrawing. 

Help from unexpected places

One of my dear friend’s husbands used to be an officer in the Army.  Of all my friends, she was the one who recognized what was okay to talk about and what was off-limits, and that was so appreciated.  She didn’t belittle my worries, nor did she inflate them, and that meant so much.

She knew I was struggling, and gently, she connected me with Mrs. Smith (name changed), a military social worker. 

A lot goes into becoming a social worker.  Mrs. Smith completed a master’s degree through an accredited online program provided by a U.S. university, then did about a thousand hours of field work to complete her qualifications, all while working full time.  She said she wanted to give back to society, and having a family with a military background, it was the perfect fit. 

I had never heard of such a thing, but as Encyclopedia of Social Work notes, military social workers are trained to help veterans, people in the military, and their families with their problems.  They can even help with mental health concerns, which occur frequently in military spouses, such as what I was experiencing.

Mrs. Smith helped me through my dark period.  Then the time came my husband would be home.  He completed his term, and I thought things would be wonderful.  As it turns out, we would still need help.

Change is hard

I thought life would go back to what it used to be, but of course, it couldn’t.  My husband returned.  He had changed, and so had I.  I had resentment I didn’t realize I needed to address, as some buried feelings arose.  And even though he wasn’t physically hurt during service, he had PTSD. 

As Emory Healthcare explains, PTSD can affect someone in daily life, like not hearing car doors slam without jumping.  Mrs. Smith again stepped in and helped us both, and while there may always be residual, things are better.

Community connections

My husband’s old job was waiting for him, but he couldn’t settle right back into things.  The lifestyle change was so dramatic, and with him having nobody at his workplace who could identify, he now felt isolated.  Mrs. Smith connected him with Hire Heroes USA. 

This is one of several volunteer organizations that support military and their families.  They worked with him to sort out skills he gained during service, meshed them with his other job experiences, and helped him find a new career path.  They also work with companies looking to hire veterans and connected him with a local employer who understood the value of having a veteran on staff, so it was a terrific resource all the way around. 

Things have gradually solidified, and we’ve adjusted to our new life.

Support to those in the military can come in many forms.  Friends, professionals, and volunteers can all play a vital role in helping those who serve our country.  For my family, people who were willing to get involved changed everything.